The more I watch re-runs of ‘Sex And The City’, the more I marvel at the stamina and creative powers of the ’heroine’, Carrie Bradshaw. Here is a woman who seems always to be socialising, smoking, drinking, eating or running complicated relationships and yet, on top of all this, she manages to hold down a well-paid job and blog wise words every day!
Now I’m not decrying her lifestyle, it’s just that it all seems rather improbable. I’ve been following a health and fitness regime for a while now and have turned into Carrie’s antithesis; I’ve never smoked anyway, rarely drink these days, follow a very healthy diet and exercise at least three times a week. In that time, I’ve seen a huge difference in my energy levels, my skin is glowing and I’ve lost almost a stone. But, I digress. What I’m trying to point out is that, despite all this, I still collapse in front of the TV at the end of most days, brain fried, and always seem to have a list of things I wanted to get done but can’t work up the enthusiasm to do. And the things which are just for me always seem to be at the bottom of the list.
So, what’s Carrie’s secret? How does she work, manage a mad social whirl with close friends and look fabulous at all times into the bargain? Well, I’m afraid to burst your bubble, dear reader, but, actually, Carrie’s not a real person……!
Now that you’ve recovered from that shock to your system, I’ll resume. For most people, it’s real life that gets in the way of doing what they want to do. They have jobs to go to, journeys to make, meals to cook, admin to do and houses to clean. Doing the stuff that just has to be done takes up all their time – or does it? I’m proving that I can get fitter and lose weight – after years of making up every excuse under the sun why I couldn’t – so what has changed? The more I’ve thought about it, the more I’ve realised that it’s because this time, I really want to see a different me and I’m prepared to do whatever it takes to achieve that.
So is the difference between those who ‘find the time’ and those who waste it just in the wanting? Of course not. Wishing doesn’t achieve anything; the only thing that gets results is action. And wanting is what propels us into actually doing something. What we have to find out is what motivates us to act. And self-awareness is the first step towards knowing what drives us to do or not to do.
The old me would do anything outside my normal routine if it would help a friend or if not doing it would let someone down. If doing something over and above the norm was just for me, I often wouldn’t bother. So why am I motivated to find the time do things for other people and not for myself?
In my book on Emotional Intelligence I say that one should treat oneself as one would treat a close friend. Maybe it’s finally dawning on me that I should take my own advice! But seriously, I have now embraced the concept that I should put myself first and make time for the things which make me happy. I’ve discovered that when I’m happy, my happiness is infectious and I lift the people I’m with. So, in a funny sort of way, doing something good for myself often ends up doing something good for others. And happiness boosts energy as much as exercise.
So, maybe come the end of today, I won’t collapse in front of the TV. Maybe I’ll get on with some more writing or call an old friend for a long chat. Maybe I'll stop putting things I don't really have a burning desire to do on my list at all. Whatever I do, I know that the doing will make me happy. And that has to be a good thing. For everyone.
