I had a light bulb moment this week - not everyone thinks like I do. I may seem a little long in the tooth to come to this realisation but better late then never! It was when someone remarked on how tolerant I was that it hit me. I go along with all sorts of unacceptable behaviour because I simply can't accept that other people don't think as I do; I would never consider doing anything deliberately hurtful or spiteful, so it comes as a shock when someone does something to me that is born of malice. If I love someone, surely they must love me, if I find dishonesty unacceptable, surely the other person must too. If I want a certain outcome in a social sense and the others don’t, I am genuinely puzzled. Time and again I have been hit by waves of amazement and pain when I've felt betrayed, let down or deliberately hurt.
Then in the way that life has of
reinforcing a lesson, I was listening to the radio the other day and heard the
song ‘Send in the Clowns’ and the line ‘I thought that you want what I want. Sorry, my dear’ jumped out at me. That triggered a memory of the classic Marketing
lesson that says ‘to ASSUME makes an ASS out of U and ME’ and I saw that that’s
what I’ve always done; Because I always think that I'm right, I’ve assumed that the all-encompassing you want
what I want. How ridiculous, as that way can only end in tears; it’s the
absence of clear communication and it renders one blind. Why should you want what I
want? You have a different perspective on life, a different row to hoe,
different experiences and you’re driven by different needs. How
gobsmackingly arrogant can I have been to just assume without checking that you
think like I do!
A good salesperson will always
clarify that s/he has understood what the client needs. Why haven’t I
applied my sales training to my life outside work? There are rules; I say
what I want, you say what you want and then I check that you’re not saying what
you think I want to hear and that I’m not lying to myself. Unfortunately,
I have been….
So, having had
this startling revelation, am I going to change? (How many emotionally
intelligent women does it take to change the light bulb?!) Strangely, the
answer is probably no. I would hate to lose my spontaneity, wide-eyed innocence and
optimism. However, now the light is on, it can't be switched off again.
It just means that I will see the wave of disappointment if it approaches and,
even if I can't avoid being knocked down, I will accept that I chose to be
standing in its way as I get up and I will get up quicker and stronger every
time hereafter.
