Certain friends are concerned that I want to spend New Year’s Eve on my own at home and I have to say that, up until fairly recently I would have been equally dismayed at the thought of someone I cared about being alone on the 31st December. In the frantic past I have hosted parties and dinners, been to glitzy events and spent the time à deux; all of these have been appropriate to the time and situation I was in and I’ve pretty much enjoyed all of them. Since I’ve been on my own, I have actively sought company on this special evening, as to be alone would have seemed a sign that I was Billy No Mates! The thought of being purely in my own company on that date has filled me with horror, as I’ve always been keen on symbolism and had more than a whiff of superstition about it – if I’m alone on the cusp of the new year, does it mean that I’ll be alone for the whole 365 days? However, I’ve finally come to realise that, firstly, I am never alone in the spiritual sense of the word, and secondly, like Christmas, New Year is a man-made date, which merely puts a mark in the sand. It’s a needed period, and has a special time in every religion from Judaism to Wicca, as we all ought to reflect on what’s gone in our lives and why and visualise what is to come.
Having started with friends, I like to think about who has come and gone in the past year. Some, like Mervyn, Jeff and Jack are no longer of this world but in their time in my life, they played an important part and will always be in my heart. Others are friends who loomed large for a long time, but now seem to have melted away. They may return, they may not but I will spend some time that evening thinking of their contribution to where I am now and what lessons I have learned from their presence – and absence – in my life. Then there are the newcomers, who seem to have been many this year, probably because I have finally opened up to the endless possibilities life has to offer. I am sure that some of these friendships will endure for the rest of my days here, whereas others will only walk alongside long enough for me to work out why they came and then move on. Some offer simple pleasures, some are complicated and their important presence will take more working out but all the relationships will be fascinating and will help me to understand myself better.
Which brings me back to my own company and the title of this piece; it’s all a matter of timing. This New Year’s Eve there are invitations I would have loved, which haven’t materialised and invitations I have had which don’t fit with my current mindset. It’s not that I don’t want to spend time with these friends – and I am blessed that I have had many from people I consider to be important players in my life – It’s just that I actively want to spend time with me on December 31st. I want to get to know myself even better so that, in 2010, I can be a better and stronger friend to my fellow players and myself.
Happy New Year to everyone; may you do what you love and love what you do and may you get to know and understand yourself better so that you can be happy with your choices and, if not, change them or change the way you look at them. Remember that the only person who is with you all the time is you, so get to know and love yourself and then everything else will fall into place.
