When
I told a friend of mine that I was writing a book on Emotional Intelligence, he
said, ‘Well, you’re intelligent and you surely are emotional, so it should be
an interesting subject, whatever it is!’
And that’s the problem.
Most people don’t know anything about the concept of Emotional
Intelligence, so I usually spend the next half hour explaining it.
Since
Daniel Goleman first brought the term into the public consciousness in 1995,
there was a brief flurry of general interest and then the term went largely
underground, apart from with the more enlightened corporate types, who realised
that ‘soft skills’ could actually contribute to the bottom line. Since then there has been further
interest in the health and well-being of employees in certain quarters and some
Directors are now seeing the benefits of having happier and more productive
staff. But, unless you work for a
large, possibly American-owned company, are you likely to have heard of
Emotional Intelligence? I think
that the answer is probably ‘no’ but would like to change all that, so please
read on.
I
did an IQ test the other day and it came out at 114 (I wasn’t feeling
well!). Joking aside though,
regardless of the excuses I make, and however much reading or studying I did,
if I did it again tomorrow and then again in 10 years, it’s not going to vary
by many points. However, in the
book, I contend that it is possible to vary one’s ‘score’ on an
Emotional Intelligence (EQ) scale through learning and application. So what is EQ and how does is differ
from its better-known cousin IQ?
My definition of Emotional Intelligence (EI) is almost
the same as Goleman’s and Salovey & Mayer’s, as the concept is the same,
it’s just the way that I describe it which is different. In the book, I say that EI is ‘the potential to be aware of and use
one’s own emotions in communication with oneself and others and to manage and
motivate oneself and others through understanding emotions.’ If that seems like a bit of a mouthful,
then sorry, but we have to get the component parts in. It’s a bit like a recipe for making a
Victoria sponge, there are only so many ways of saying that you have to
assemble eggs, flour, sugar and butter.
In a nutshell, an emotionally intelligent person is aware of her
emotions and how they affect her in life.
She is also aware of being impulsive and will usually think before
speaking or acting, as things done or said in the heat of the moment can often
be less than constructive. Most
importantly, she takes responsibility for her words and actions and will always
try to take a positive viewpoint on any situation. By taking responsibility for herself, the person can manage
her own responses and the responses of others, being able to manage upwards as
well as downwards in a more positive way.
One of the key components in this is the ability to empathise with others
in order to fully communicate with or motivate them.
So, we ‘re back to the title, ‘Emotional Intelligence – An Oxymoron?’ because what we’re
talking about is the ability to manage one’s emotional responses through
rational thought and the two don’t appear to sit very well together. In fact, when Doctors Salovey and Mayer
first discussed the term, as one was doing a study on intelligence and the
other on emotions, they actually thought it rather funny that anyone should
want to combine the two in the same sentence! It was Daniel Goleman who picked up on the idea and
popularised it and realised that it could, in fact, make sense. After all, the idea of ‘positive mental
attitude’ had been around for years, particularly in a sales context and many books
had espoused the virtues of empathy and compassion as the means of
understanding and communicating with others.
A person who reacts without thought will be out of
control and a person who reacts without emotion will be no better than an
automaton. The teaching of
Emotional Intelligence is the key to finding a balanced person who can think
and act while using a combination of the two. I would like to think that, after
many years of being too far near the edge of either side of the EI pendulum –
i.e. either too controlled or too wild – I have now achieved that balance. Hopefully reading the book will help
you to find yours.
To read my book, 'Emotional Intelligence: Journey to the Centre of Your Self' click on this link http://www.amazon.co.uk/Emotional-Intelligence-Journey-Centre-Your/dp/1846941873/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1245241397&sr=1-1