Emotional Intelligence – an Oxymoron?

When I told a friend of mine that I was writing a book on Emotional Intelligence, he said, ‘Well, you’re intelligent and you surely are emotional, so it should be an interesting subject, whatever it is!’  And that’s the problem.  Most people don’t know anything about the concept of Emotional Intelligence, so I usually spend the next half hour explaining it. 

 Since Daniel Goleman first brought the term into the public consciousness in 1995, there was a brief flurry of general interest and then the term went largely underground, apart from with the more enlightened corporate types, who realised that ‘soft skills’ could actually contribute to the bottom line.  Since then there has been further interest in the health and well-being of employees in certain quarters and some Directors are now seeing the benefits of having happier and more productive staff.  But, unless you work for a large, possibly American-owned company, are you likely to have heard of Emotional Intelligence?  I think that the answer is probably ‘no’ but would like to change all that, so please read on.

 I did an IQ test the other day and it came out at 114 (I wasn’t feeling well!).  Joking aside though, regardless of the excuses I make, and however much reading or studying I did, if I did it again tomorrow and then again in 10 years, it’s not going to vary by many points.  However, in the book, I contend that it is possible to vary one’s ‘score’ on an Emotional Intelligence (EQ) scale through learning and application.  So what is EQ and how does is differ from its better-known cousin IQ?

 My definition of Emotional Intelligence (EI) is almost the same as Goleman’s and Salovey & Mayer’s, as the concept is the same, it’s just the way that I describe it which is different.  In the book, I say that EI is  ‘the potential to be aware of and use one’s own emotions in communication with oneself and others and to manage and motivate oneself and others through understanding emotions.’  If that seems like a bit of a mouthful, then sorry, but we have to get the component parts in.  It’s a bit like a recipe for making a Victoria sponge, there are only so many ways of saying that you have to assemble eggs, flour, sugar and butter.  In a nutshell, an emotionally intelligent person is aware of her emotions and how they affect her in life.  She is also aware of being impulsive and will usually think before speaking or acting, as things done or said in the heat of the moment can often be less than constructive.  Most importantly, she takes responsibility for her words and actions and will always try to take a positive viewpoint on any situation.  By taking responsibility for herself, the person can manage her own responses and the responses of others, being able to manage upwards as well as downwards in a more positive way.  One of the key components in this is the ability to empathise with others in order to fully communicate with or motivate them.

 So, we ‘re back to the title,  ‘Emotional Intelligence – An Oxymoron?’ because what we’re talking about is the ability to manage one’s emotional responses through rational thought and the two don’t appear to sit very well together.  In fact, when Doctors Salovey and Mayer first discussed the term, as one was doing a study on intelligence and the other on emotions, they actually thought it rather funny that anyone should want to combine the two in the same sentence!  It was Daniel Goleman who picked up on the idea and popularised it and realised that it could, in fact, make sense.  After all, the idea of ‘positive mental attitude’ had been around for years, particularly in a sales context and many books had espoused the virtues of empathy and compassion as the means of understanding and communicating with others.

 A person who reacts without thought will be out of control and a person who reacts without emotion will be no better than an automaton.  The teaching of Emotional Intelligence is the key to finding a balanced person who can think and act while using a combination of the two. I would like to think that, after many years of being too far near the edge of either side of the EI pendulum – i.e. either too controlled or too wild – I have now achieved that balance.  Hopefully reading the book will help you to find yours.

To read my book, 'Emotional Intelligence: Journey to the Centre of Your Self' click on this link http://www.amazon.co.uk/Emotional-Intelligence-Journey-Centre-Your/dp/1846941873/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1245241397&sr=1-1